I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
