i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
