Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
