just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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