That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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