bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
