I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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