my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
