We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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