Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
