what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
