Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
