This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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