Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
