i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
