just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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