Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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