Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
