If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
