Welp...herpes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
