Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
