I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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