i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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