also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
