I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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