Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
