I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
