dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
