so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
