just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
