so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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