She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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