when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
