I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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