OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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