My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
