you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
