Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
