I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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