Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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