Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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