He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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