covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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