i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
