I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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