It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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