I molested 6 butterflies tonight
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
