Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
