you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
