think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize