I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
