they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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