sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
