remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
