You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
