he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
