Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
time to smoke my breakfast
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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