im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
