I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
