I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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