And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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