the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
