This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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