Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
