My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
