i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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