I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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