Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize