I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Send help, water and tortillas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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